Okay, I'm done. I'm just not that into this anymore.
I'm done ranting.
No, really. I'm serious. I'm not going to rant regularly anymore (going back to normal maladjusted priveleged white heterosexual male levels here).
First of all, I'd like to thank Maddox. Any ranter (and I use the term loosely here, most ranters are about as smart as the people who still send Maddox hatemail) knows that if Maddox hadn't invented ranting, we'd still be fairly contented with our lot in life. And, of course, I'd like to thank Maddox for not writing jackshit anymore. We all know they're just token articles so people will still compulsively check his site every day. His real money now is merchandise and some mythical webshow he might put together someday. But I'd like to thank him, because if it weren't for him I might have seriously put some people through walls in my youth (like, last year). Way back in the days of my anger, I really had no outlet and just took it out on my family. Now they bask in my neglect like all children should.
The next ranter I'd like to thank is Thilo. His site is just funny, all right? It doesn't even really make sense anymore, but that's okay. Ranting never did make much sense. The audience is just small, you know? Only so many people out there willing to read some guy's bullshit about how bad his day was. It turns out though that some douchebag homeschooled fourteen year-old conservative AUTHOR with a PUBLISHED BOOK has more than three times as many page views on his BOOK'S website than my whole site does. HE TURNED 14 LAST MONTH. And he's been on TV and everything, little douche that he is. I'm talking about Johnathon Krohn. Just check out his blog, his writing is shit. And not just that it's uninteresting and poorly thought out, his writing is just BAD. You'd think it was written by perhaps someone in high school with no formal writing experience, not a published author. You see, the transition simply ELUDES him. He writes like he's a motherfucking talk-radio show guy, all big statements that never really go anywhere new, just constant hype and bullshit.
The reason is, of course, is that he follows the audience (although if he were smart he'd go after the liberals, we all know they are smarter, cleaner, better educated, and more numerous than everyone else, right?). He writes about stuff that people want to read about, like why Sarah Palin is actually a GOOD choice for anything other than... well, I can't see myself ever intentionally choosing her for anything, but you get the idea.
So I've decided to clean up my act and get the fuck outta here. This is just not the place for a serious discussion of anything. The ranting genre is too limiting and too far from the mainstream for me. I've got things to say that won't get noticed here, and to be honest if you're here from the days of the classics (maybe... 3 people?), you don't want to read what I think of Obama's policies OR how I totally fucking raped my chemistry midterm today while the Backstreet Boys' Everybody (Backstreet's Back) looped in my head.
So I've given up the pretense that ranting is anything cool anymore. I'll keep the site up, though, because I don't mind saddling Google with my shit and I'm too lazy to take it down. Instead, I'm moving to wordpress with a site dedicated to my musings and life experiences rather than my rage and frustrations. Eventually I'll by an actual URL, but I need to get some finances straightened out first. So if you want to keep hearing what I've got to say about stuff, go on over there (link to the right) and check it out.
I may return from time to time, however. Douchebags like Krohn are in abundance, as we all know, and my blood pressure can only get so high before I need to take it out on a keyboard somewhere. Recently promised articles aren't coming, but you can still hold your breath if you really want.
I bid you adieu,
The Captain.
